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My child has a will. Start watching her for just five minutes, and it soon becomes apparent that it is growing at an ever expansive rate. And a core belief of mine, is to teach Gracie how to make her own choices. But last night I ended up drawing a line as she willfully chose to bang her hands on the laptop despite being asked to stop several times (and this is far from the first time).
So as I disciplined her, she looked at me, accusing. The crocodile tears and distraught face were really hard to take.
And I wondered;
Am I doing the wrong thing?
Then I thought of how strange Independence and Discipline are as family constructs and teaching tools. They are many times, not only at odds with each other, but actually in direct competition.
On the one hand I know that by teaching Gracie to self sustain, I am equipping her to move forward when I am no longer on this planet. She absolutely needs this to be able to deal with life when her Daddy is not around.
On the other hand, I realize that it will eventually turn my family’s members into small islands. Each separate, with their own thoughts, desires, beliefs, weaknesses, and strengths. And if the bridges between them are not maintained, if the discipline is not done correctly, I could end up losing her. Still, I know in my heart, that this mustn’t be about me. Its has to be about loving Gracie and equipping her to become who she needs to become. I won’t be here forever.
This got me to thinking about a family friends daughter, who is here in Oregon, as she is about to give birth to twins. But because of who she is, who she chooses to be, she is not allowing any of her newborns’ grand-parents to visit for roughly 4 weeks after the birth. And I know that the grandparents are really hurt, but that they realize that they chose to raise an independent daughter.
So my thoughts continue;
Is this just a taste of what Gracie will choose?
How many small hurts must I prepare for?
This journey of being a parent is a strange and tough one, but the joy Gracie brings is something that I cannot even measure. So despite the chance of not just the minor rejections but the possibility of flat out losing her. I know, deep down, that she is absolutely worth this risk. She is worth the discipline and I hope to encourage her independence, even with the comprehension of what it could eventually mean.
-I love you Gracie
Daddy